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Went over the dialogue, found only a few mistakes - no typo's, but a couple missing "style him"'s and one line was split up into two.

Personally, I don't really like the dialogue due to the fact that it is rape.

If she somehow turned things around (summoning her inner powers and breaking free, followed by reverse rape) mid-dialogue, that'd turn the dialogue into something really awesome for me.

(The attachment has been removed. The fixes have been accepted by the original author - you can download the new version on the first post of this thread.)