How would/did you tell your partner about your zako fetish? (1 Viewer)

[~Lily~]

Part of why I'm currently single is because I've kept this kink of mine private to everyone in real life, and getting into a relationship means deciding if I want to hide this fact from my potential partner, or telling him... somehow and hoping he doesn't respond poorly to it.

Like, take one of my zako fantasies:

I do something stupid at work so I lose my job, and I can't find a replacement so I can't pay my bills. Desperate, I join a zako organization even though I have zero combat skills and am terrified of everything just so I can make ends meet, and they put me in charge of guarding some sector they say is deserted without bothering to train me. I'm the least competent of the squad I'm assigned to, and my general cowardice annoys even my squadmates as we stand watch for the night.

Turns out it's actually the path the protagonist (my partner in RPs generally) takes, and I run away in fear instead of doing anything to fight as he tears his way through my squad who all end up KO'd pretty quickly. When it's just him and I left, I curl up into a ball in fear and sob and beg pathetically for him not to hurt me. My favorite part of this fantasy is here, where my RP partner degrades me, calls me useless, pathetic, a loser, etc etc

He then beats me up and I end up in some embarrassing compromised position completely incapacitated and only able to struggle to barely remain conscious. He mocks me some more and there's nothing I can do at this point except moan weakly and cry in pain. Maybe, I try to crawl three steps away from him but then I collapse again.

When he gets bored of watching my pathetic self wither on the floor in pain, he finishes me off in some humiliating fashion, like dragging me to the nearby restroom by my hair and dunking my head in the toilet bowl repeatedly until I see nothing but darkness. Then he leaves my unconscious body face first in the toilet water, flushing as he leaves.

I have absolutely no idea how to explain this to someone in real life who is not already familiar with zako that this turns me on a lot. I have no idea why it does, because logically I would be completely miserable if this actually happened to me in real life.

I can only imagine how difficult it is if you're a guy and have this kink, needing to explain to a girl how you would like to do this to her...

I've had this kink since I was a small girl (well, even smaller than I currently am :3) and I always assumed that no scenario ever existed where it would be acceptable to admit to this. I did honestly tried my best to get rid of it growing up, and it's only very recently that I found out that not only I wasn't the only person with this interest (I'm very new here :3), but, more surprisingly, that a good number of people actually tell their partners about it.

Partners in the past have perceived me as a shy, young, submissive girl that's fairly vanilla. Excluding this kink, that is pretty accurate. It would be out of character I think if I talked about this, but I also don't want to keep secrets either.

I remember praying to my God night after night to please stop making me have these weird feelings, and I even thought about going to my priest and asking for an exorcism, although admittedly I was equally afraid of that process as I felt ashamed about this one. I still feel the need to pray and ask for forgiveness from my Lord even to this day after I have these types of fantasies because otherwise I just feel really guilty about it.

 

[Drizzt78]

I remember praying to my God night after night to please stop making me have these weird feelings, and I even thought about going to my priest and asking for an exorcism, although admittedly I was equally afraid of that process as I felt ashamed about this one. I still feel the need to pray and ask for forgiveness from my Lord even to this day after I have these types of fantasies because otherwise I just feel really guilty about it.

In general terms, where do you live? Hanging out with people who are more accepting of non-vanilla inclinations might be better for your mental health in general.

 

[~Lily~]

In general terms, where do you live? Hanging out with people who are more accepting of non-vanilla inclinations might be better for your mental health in general.

In a small city in a pretty religious part of the United States
Unfortunately, I don't really have the means to move even if I wanted to :c

I've met some really nice people on this site though :3

 

[Luz]

Same with me, I also had problems telling my partner (living in Germany). I think the best way to explain it would show what you like, maybe some art or a storie that you can rollerblades with a partner.

 

[Ezzy]

I've met some really nice people on this site though :3

So, you can talk with us about your fetish, discuss zako videos or arts. It will be so much better than making attemts to change your kink.
And it looks like your fetish is mostly about humiliation than about death, so it's not so rare. There are many BDSM videos in internet, and you can start with asking your partner about BDSM. And only then you can reveal some new information about your fetish.
It can be hard or even impossible to get rid of it, but how many people have their own fetishes and feel pretty good having them? You don't harm anyone, so maybe you shouldn't care about this too much.

 

[horatiojones80]

Can't say I've ever told a partner the depths of what I'm into. I definitely wouldn't recommend getting with someone who would judge/hate you if they found out. I made that mistake a few times and it just made me grow apart from them. That being said I haven't told anyone, not even my current partner (but if things keep going I do plan to) The main thing is that I'm no longer ashamed of it. I used to be. I still am a little bit I guess, but man there are a lot worse fetishes to have. The thing is it's all based in fantasy and that fantasy stems from having a good imagination, like that scenario you described. That's actually a good quality to have. Having a good imagination and being able to amuse yourself makes it easier to be in a relationship and in some ways to live life in general.

I always just tell my partner to lay face down on top of me and I let my imagination do the rest. That's a good place to start. Find a partner that can do something that at least allows you to pretend you are in your fantasy but doesn't necessarily give it away and just close your eyes and imagine. It's a good middle ground.

 

[Adrene]

There are pretty simple and safe ways to explain the zako fetish, it just happens that the things discussed on this site tend to be on the more intense side. You can start by simply explaining what exactly is "zako"—weak cannon fodder of an antagonistic group—then you can explain that you get turned on by imagining yourself as one of them, being punished by a heroic character. You don't have to start with the most intense details, just enough for it to make sense. As your bond with your partner grows and you both start putting more trust in each other, you can get more into those details. It's a bit of a trial and error process. Take small steps, ask your partner if they're into what you're describing, and keep giving more details from there, continuing to stop and ask if they're still on board. This does not have to happen in one conversation, it could be a matter of days, weeks, or even months before you're both totally on the same page. If your partner is ever not into something you describe, that's okay, just as long as you can continue experimenting with other things.

For me, I was pretty lucky. My partner and I were both into zako before we started dating, he just didn't know there was a word for it until I told him. We have an open relationship, so sometimes me and him will flirt with and start getting into lewd discussions with other people. There's one girl who we both have slept with together, and explaining zako to her was pretty simple (though, it's worth nothing that this girl is kind of a masochist so not much would disturb her). We just told her how it is, we like imagining taking down attractive expendable footsoldiers of evil groups in fiction.

Zako as a fetish is pretty simple when you just look at the basics of it. You like the idea of putting bad people in their place, or you like the idea of being a weak minion and getting put in your place by some strong hero, or maybe you even like the idea of trying and failing to put some baddies in their place only for the lot of them to put you in yours. At the bare essentials, it's really not that outlandish or revolting of a concept, and discussing the basics of it to a partner shouldn't be intimidating. Just respect their boundaries and they should respect yours.

Hope this helps!

 

[KeiBree]

Speaking from my experience. It's important to find a healthy relationship, but also understand that more often then not your kinks won't perfectly line up. I was in a relationship for several years where our kinks (in terms of zako) lined up, but the relationship wasn't healthy and went on longer then it should of because of these kinks.

I'm in an extremely healthy relationship now, but don't incorporate my zako kinks into it. Sometimes it's nice to have your own space to explore your kinks and learn things to enjoy outside of that with your partner. A sexual relationship in real life is very different then kinks. Our sex life is much more about the connection and physical enjoyment, then particular kinks. We've shared most of ours, and there's kinks of his that I have no interest in, and kinks of mine he has no interest in, but we still have a very strong sexual relationship.

If you want to work towards incorporating things into your relationship that are zako based, it's important to get into the healthy part of the relationship first. We've gone away for weekends and over a bottle of wine (or two) opened up and talked very openly about our sexual preferences. So we incorporated, some me didn't.

When trying to introduce these in a relationship, sometimes it helps if you breakdown the specific aspects. You like the hero talking down to you and humiliating you. That's dirty talk. You like physically being dominated, that's pretty common.

When I got my original partner into zako stuff (keep in mind we shared a lot of the same kinks) it wasn't "I want to be a zako". It was, "oooh, I like dressing up". And "oooh I like forced sex fantasies". And "oooh, I like it when you tie me up, or strangle me a bit.".

These aren't really uncommon kinks people have. And for guys, are sometimes a pretty easy sell. From there it was pretty easy to be "oh, well I'm a maid who's also a guard at this mansion... what do you do?"

I had a fairly sexually repressed upbringing (though without the religious aspect). And it took me a long time to get to the point where I was comfortably sexually. It does take time, and sometimes good relationships and sometimes bad. Try to look at your sexual growth as a whole thing, rather then focusing on a specific aspect. You'll often develop kinks mutually with a partner that you hadn't thought of.

 

[~Lily~]

Thanks everyone for the advice~
I've very young (early 20s :p) and not very experienced so it helps a lot :3

Was there ever a point where you wished you didn't have this fetish? Like, I derive pleasure from it, of course, but having to pick between explaining this to people and being afraid they won't accept it and feeling guilty about keeping a secret is not a very appealing decision to me :c

I find it so much easier to talk about my fantasies with you guys because 1) it's online and you can't see the embarrassment in my face :3 and 2) you've already accept and understand why a zako fetish might be appealing. I think I'm just afraid normal people in real life might not and that puts me off, to be honest.

There's also definitely the aspect where sometimes I wonder if these fantasies are the result of something wrong with me. There are times when I wish I was a normal person that wasn't weird like this, and when I'm not horny I feel like a dirty sinner :c

 

[KeiBree]

I think as you meet people you'll learn that for the most part everyone has odd fetishes. This one is particularly specialized, but I wouldn't say it's any weirder then very common fantasies you see online. I see people posting furry stuff and it makes zero sense to me, in much the same way someone with a furry fetish would see this and it wouldn't make any sense to them.

Most people have "odd" fetishes. Look how much content there is for like erotic Sonic the hedgehog stuff.

It's possible to have an odd fetish, like most people, and still explore it in a healthy way. In order to keep it healthy there are some things in my opinion to avoid.

For example, do not define/expect your relationships to be built around this, or conform to your kinks. Even fellow zako fans differ enough in their preferences that they seemingly have different fetishes. For example, you like being a weak zako. A large portion of people are only interested in tough badass zako. If you were in the same room, chances are you wouldn't really see eye to eye on that.

You have a particular fetish. The vast, vast majority of people do. You said you grew up in a very sheltered religious area. I got news for you, most of the people you grew up with had a weird kink they didn't share :P When you go to get a coffee, chances are someone in there has some weird kink you've never heard of.

Our kinks develop from our individual experiences. And everyone's different.

I don't think you have to explain it to anyone. Friends rarely talk about kinks in my experience (and I have friends who do fetish porn) and when you're in a relationship you'll develop that with your partner if you decide. But you also might not want to share that aspect with them and enjoy other things, and that's okay too.

I'm not religious, but my understanding is that god cares about your actions and whether you treat people well. Even the most devout person has thoughts that aren't "right". The human mind doesn't work that way. If someone who is religious fantasizes about being John Wick and being a badass fighting off the russian mob, that doesn't mean they're a murderer, or that there's something wrong with their soul.

In real life, I've dedicated my life to helping those less fortunate, it's what I do for a living and volunteer on the weekend. I have a big shelf of awards for it.

Does the fact that I fantasize about myself being some cheap zako who the hero beats up take any of that away? No. Does it change my motivation? No.

I'm a nice person, who like everyone has an odd kink. It's not hurting anyone, and there's no way I'd act on it. Just like the couple who dresses the girl up in a schoolgirl outfit to get spanked isn't evil or planning on actually going out to a school and spanking people.

Enjoy your kink. It's something only you get to know every single detail about. It's your fun world. Maybe you'll find someone to share it with, maybe you won't... Maybe you'll just enjoy chatting online with people about it. But it's yours. You enjoy it. And there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[SimulatedOunce]

I have absolutely no idea how to explain this to someone in real life who is not already familiar with zako that this turns me on a lot. I have no idea why it does, because logically I would be completely miserable if this actually happened to me in real life.

A few hypotheses I have so far, both from the zako perspective and the zako enjoyer perspective. Eventually, I think I'll make a thread about the psychological aspect behind zako fetish. Probably after I've gathered my notes since there seems still a bit of notes to gather.

---

From my experience and (a guy's) perspective.

The hard part isn't the part about bringing it up. The hard part is finding someone you're romantically AND sexually compatible with. Because you can almost guarantee that your kinks will differ from his. And without those in place, the talk won't even get off the ground.

Find someone you're romantically compatible with. In my last, the sex was good, but we got along like cats and dogs. Tried to make it work when what we should have done was to just let it go. A bad relationship is a bad relationship and no amount of sex will fix that.

Also near the top, someone who's not selfish in bed, because if he is, he's likely selfish in other aspects of a relationship. You have your needs/wants and stop being ashamed of them because you don't exist solely for someone else's pleasure. Not even a zako. (Except maybe on this here site.)

Find someone you're sexually compatible with. From my own adventures, I've had dates whose idea of sex adhered to the straight and the narrow. Dates who just weren't interested in such trivialities (i.e. "Come outside, not into your own head!"). I've had a date take insult at a lesser "offense" simply for even proposing the idea. Being dates, none of these were due to "relationship problems."

Because if they can't get past the stigmatization. Or they hold other personal or social obligations (this is not limited only to religion). Or they're just not sexually adventurous. There is little you can do to change that. You're sexually incompatible.

And that's what dating is for. Because once a date moves into the relationship stage, those usually last pretty long. And if you come away with just one thing from this post or Keibree's, it's that you shouldn't prolong an incompatible relationship.

Get those two things right, and you're already most of the way there.

---

Bringing up fetishes? It's been too long ago to remember. It kinda just happened. I guess....as it turns out, that wasn't the hard part.

Let's get something out of the way: If he doesn't bring it up, you're going to have to take the lead.

No, I'm not saying for you to initiate. You're gonna be his navigator, guide him in the general heading and gauge the wind as you go. How he responds to "lighter" topics gives you a pretty good idea. If you're holding out on sex, don't do it for too long, because if it turns out you're not sexually compatible, you've invested less and it's easier to go your own ways.

For my part, I tend to sail pretty fast. This is where I'd start, since its a route I've taken before with a date after deducing she likely wasn't a 'no'. (We didn't get to zako roelplay before we went our own ways)

I should first mention our relationship with foreplay (and afterplay). For most women, it's the journey that's the reward. But for most of us guys, the booty is the reward. So we subconsciously project, thinking the ladies can also just simply hoist the anchor and go. Then we attempt to forgo foreplay to get to the treasure quicker (Or, if he's just not interested in your pleasure, return to harbor and find a new captain).

And afterwards, we doze off not realizing we forgot about her up in heaven and now she needs to climb down.

So get him on the same page because this is your ticket.

Afterplay you learn, gauge, and infer if he'd be into that really freaky stuff you're into. And you can also talk/hint about stories you'd like him to tell you. Plus, this gets him thinking about you and ways to stretch you and bend you.

Foreplay is playdirt for segueing into roleplay. If you're comfortable, you can jump off the deep end. Otherwise, start with "safe RP" that opens the doors for more naughty RPs. And of course, dress-up, costumes and props are a natural segue into roleplay. And, on the matter of props. Toys. Are a good ice breaker (if he isn't threatened by them). I think this was how we got to the topic of fetishes in my last--because of all the toys she owned.

What do you mean you don't own any toys? You say it makes you feel guilty for harboring such impure thoughts?

But then what weapons will the zako arm herself with when the protagonist shows up? More importantly, because she needs to be punished, what weapons will he turn around to use on her?

---

I'd be remiss not to mention that roleplay as a whole still requires a certain level of mental expenditure in order to really 'live your character.' So for us, that meant they only accounted for a fraction of our sessions. Your mileage may vary. (I figured out some "life hacks" that help promote the mind frame but this post is already getting too long)

---

Was there ever a point where you wished you didn't have this fetish? Like, I derive pleasure from it, of course, but having to pick between explaining this to people and being afraid they won't accept it and feeling guilty about keeping a secret is not a very appealing decision to me :c

No. There wasn't.

Shame and guilt are useful emotions we carry as a means to protect ourselves. But too often they're also weaponized against us by those who wish us to think or behave in a certain manner. First by convincing us that a state, idea, or decision be undesirable, then branding that undesirability upon us. But it is only when we are persuaded to don that brand that we surrender to them the authority over us.

You're a human being with human needs and human wants.

But you feel guilt and shame in your own sexual desires and your own sexual fantasies. Further still, the idea of asking an intimate other partake in a very human desire of yours in which you are burdened in shame. And what then, should your desire to tend to this very human need be rejected? You do not envy a companionship in which a part of you remain unfulfilled. But still, to regard with esteem the sexual compatibility of a companionship only incites more guilt.

Do you see how you got bound and stuffed into a pickle jar, zako?

I think you already know what you want.

But somewhere along the way, someone persuaded you to don an incongruous mask, and in doing so, shackle you never to venture beyond the sight of land.

I think you already know who you are.

All's left. To have to hand back someone else's mask they cast upon you and accept the version of yourself, quirks and all, that you were born with.

Accept that you are horny as hell.
Accept that you fantasize freaky thoughts of dark sorcery and bandied limb stretching which might also involve battling a long tentacled kraken.
And accept that sex bonds two people in a way not possible in any other manner of human interaction.
Because it is no misdeed to desire intimacy and companionship that fulfill our most human of needs and wants.

 

[MKULTRED]

Part of why I'm currently single is because I've kept this kink of mine private to everyone in real life, and getting into a relationship means deciding if I want to hide this fact from my potential partner, or telling him... somehow and hoping he doesn't respond poorly to it.

Like, take one of my zako fantasies:

I do something stupid at work so I lose my job, and I can't find a replacement so I can't pay my bills. Desperate, I join a zako organization even though I have zero combat skills and am terrified of everything just so I can make ends meet, and they put me in charge of guarding some sector they say is deserted without bothering to train me. I'm the least competent of the squad I'm assigned to, and my general cowardice annoys even my squadmates as we stand watch for the night.

Turns out it's actually the path the protagonist (my partner in RPs generally) takes, and I run away in fear instead of doing anything to fight as he tears his way through my squad who all end up KO'd pretty quickly. When it's just him and I left, I curl up into a ball in fear and sob and beg pathetically for him not to hurt me. My favorite part of this fantasy is here, where my RP partner degrades me, calls me useless, pathetic, a loser, etc etc

He then beats me up and I end up in some embarrassing compromised position completely incapacitated and only able to struggle to barely remain conscious. He mocks me some more and there's nothing I can do at this point except moan weakly and cry in pain. Maybe, I try to crawl three steps away from him but then I collapse again.

When he gets bored of watching my pathetic self wither on the floor in pain, he finishes me off in some humiliating fashion, like dragging me to the nearby restroom by my hair and dunking my head in the toilet bowl repeatedly until I see nothing but darkness. Then he leaves my unconscious body face first in the toilet water, flushing as he leaves.

I have absolutely no idea how to explain this to someone in real life who is not already familiar with zako that this turns me on a lot. I have no idea why it does, because logically I would be completely miserable if this actually happened to me in real life.

I can only imagine how difficult it is if you're a guy and have this kink, needing to explain to a girl how you would like to do this to her...

I've had this kink since I was a small girl (well, even smaller than I currently am :3) and I always assumed that no scenario ever existed where it would be acceptable to admit to this. I did honestly tried my best to get rid of it growing up, and it's only very recently that I found out that not only I wasn't the only person with this interest (I'm very new here :3), but, more surprisingly, that a good number of people actually tell their partners about it.

Partners in the past have perceived me as a shy, young, submissive girl that's fairly vanilla. Excluding this kink, that is pretty accurate. It would be out of character I think if I talked about this, but I also don't want to keep secrets either.

I remember praying to my God night after night to please stop making me have these weird feelings, and I even thought about going to my priest and asking for an exorcism, although admittedly I was equally afraid of that process as I felt ashamed about this one. I still feel the need to pray and ask for forgiveness from my Lord even to this day after I have these types of fantasies because otherwise I just feel really guilty about it.

Interesting thing that you said. I was into the ¨zako/ryona thing¨ a time ago and i think that it may be 3-4 years without masturbation or sex in general [It can be challenging at the beginning, and you may stumble a few times before reaching a steady level] until today. I can tell you that it is possible but it has to be for a very specific reason, mine wasn't even to ¨appear normal¨, guilty or leave the fetish in itself, but rather because that kind of thing is addictive and there comes a point that starts to disturb your daily life (and that and I mean with any sexual act in general, the ¨ryona fetish ¨ is the least important). You probably have a religion and if it is a "serious" one that is at least 2000 years old, try to learn something of this inheritance that can help you.

Also, think that a good part of this ¨hurting / being hurt¨ is normal and inherent to a healthy nature of the male / female eros, there is no problem with that, but in short, sexual pleasure in general is a potent drug that can end up harming you physiologically. If you want to give up that, I would give up sex in general, not the fetish.

By the way, I still think that ¨succubi stuff¨ is pretty cool, and some ¨death metal¨ masochistic female lesser enemies to be ¨splattered¨ by you still attract to me a lot, but all this is only in ¨potential¨.

 

[Drizzt78]

Also, think that a good part of this ¨hurting / being hurt¨ is normal and inherent to a healthy nature of the male / female eros, there is no problem with that, but in short, sexual pleasure in general is a potent drug that can end up harming you physiologically. If you want to give up that, I would give up sex in general, not the fetish.

That's pretty fucked up, ngl.

 

[Weoooo]

Yeah that feels a bit like internalized repression to me. Sex is literally the way we reproduce, it's insane to think its harmful. It can be unhealthy to get caught up in a search for it, but that's like saying food is dangerous because of overeating.