Re: f93's Dialogue Thread updated 10/21/13 - Teen Titans Raven, assorted fixes
SD-Chan's Halloween v2:
Line 8: intro1:"Hey, I know that outfit! You're that hot chick who was here trick-or-treating earlier!"{"style":"Him"}
Line 9: intro2:"Well, hot or not, I'm calling the cops."{"style":"Him"}
Line 10: intro3:"Shit, can't believe this tight-wad caught me. There's no way I can get out of this, unless..."{"style":"Thought"}
Line 11: intro4:"Teehee... it was just a Halloween trick, but I want to give you a treat as well!"
Line 12: intro5:"Oh really?"{"style":"Him"}
Line 13: intro6:"Why, is that a chocolate bar in your pocket,[RIGHT_ARM_HAND_JOB] or are you just happy to see me?"
Line 14: intro7:"[ARMS_HIS_LEGS]Well, not as happy as we'll both be once I give it a lick or two..."{"set":{"played":"true"}}
Line 15: introtrue:"Well? Let's get started!"
Line 16: introtrue:"Come on, we both know you want to fuck me in this costume!"
These lines are unused!
You've missed [intro1] in the introfalse line.
I suggest you playtest your dialogue - watch the intro and then make him cum, see if anything goes unexpected - if not, everything is okay.
...
Wait, what?
You didn't go from intro1 to intro2 and from intro2 to intro3 either! You just plain forgot all the links!
Don't overrely on the checker =), it verifies that given all possible values for a variable insert, see if it matches the linename
Line 21: general:"Man, I've always wanted to fuck someone in a costume!"{"style":"Him"}
Line 22: general:"With all these slutty nurses, slutty pirates and slutty nuns running around, I've been hard all day!"{"style":"Him"}
Is that (l22) a follow up? (Missing link again?)
Didn't see much else, strangely enough. Or I'm sleepy, that could be it.
TT - Raven v3
Some stuff to poke at, but I'd never land a solid hit against this one. All my comments would be stuff like
Line 42: resistance:"You know, the first hypnotic suggestion is a strong urge not to bite down, or I'd never try this."{"style":"Him"}
"or I'd never" implies that the previous section...
hmhm actually I can't even properly describe this one. Makes me feel like I'm trying to hard here.