Just wanting to comment that the 3some dialogue is one of the best things I've seen for SDT, even if the coding is a bit tricky at times.
The only way I could find to get around the preset issue (in my case, the male preset), was to remove the charcode lines that changed the male. (hisbody, hisskin, etc). The result will see everything else load without changing the male model. I'd presume that cutting out the female body changes would work similarly.
That's alot of editing to do, though.