This ended up really long, but it felt good to put this out there.
I was raised very conservatively. You didn't say bad words or sin or do any of that, and a big rule was that you would never strike or hurt a woman. I would see something on a TV show or movie where a woman would get hurt or attacked, even by another woman, and my stomach would twist in knots because it made me so sick to see. Sometimes Power Rangers was hard to watch if Trini or especially Kimberly got hurt, and I didn't enjoy playing fighting games when I had to fight and hurt a girl.
Fast forward to the year 2000 when 13-ish year old me was extremely horny and extremely turned on by breasts (I was a boob kid). Especially anything involving them moving or bouncing. I also played a lot of video games and was more than enamored with polygonal boobs, so imagine my interest in hearing about this fighting game called Dead or Alive where the the sexy female fighters' breasts bounced while they fought. It sounded incredible!
I looked the series up, and it led me to IGN's webpage for DOA2: Hardcore and moreso to their page of videos. My heart was already racing just thinking about watching video footage of this game. I remember scrolling through video titles like "Schoolgirl Kasumi" and "Sexy Tag Team" that already were driving me wild when I saw the holy grail. I still to this day remember the title so vividly.
"I let her win just to see those things bounce"
Now, keep in mind this was back in the days of dial-up and IGN's old video player, so you'd sit for a full minute to let three seconds of video load and you could watch it as it progressed.
This is where it all happened, for better or worse.
So I let the video start loading. My heart is pounding at this point and my hands are shaking just thinking about Helena's boobs bouncing (I was a pathetic, horny little boy) and I can't wait so I play what little of the video has loaded.
I start watching the video, literally shaking with hormones and horniness, but at about five seconds into it,
Leon throws Helena down and does a vicious leg lock to her. My reaction, as I had been conditioned to react my whole life, should have been horror and disgust at this monster hurting a beautiful woman.
But in that perfect cocktail mix of taboo and hormones and arousal, that wasn't what I felt. This wasn't like the other times I saw a woman get hurt on TV or in a video game.
It was almost sexual. Her back was arched, her toned legs spread, her bouncing breasts directed right at the camera looking down her cleavage.
I enjoyed it. I enjoyed watching this man hurt Helena.
I let the video load more and more, still watching that leg lock over and over but still waiting to "see those things bounce". Finally, it loaded to the finish of the match and Helena played her victory animation. Sure enough as advertised,
"those things bounced" and to thirteen year old me it was amazing and so worth the wait.
More importantly though, something else happened. I loved seeing Helena's breasts bounce and watched the video over and over beyond that day to see it, to the point that hearing that opening second of music (to this day) triggers a Pavlov effect that turns me on by sound alone. But that wasn't the only part I enjoyed watching. I enjoyed just as much watching Leon hurt her. Those two leg locks and that quick punch combo he lands on Helena is just as much ingrained in my head as her breasts bouncing.
That taboo gutwrenching feeling of seeing a girl get hurt turned into that familiar heart racing arousal. Instead of playing fighting games and feeling terrible when I had to fight a girl, I was going out of my way to fight the girls and beat them up, and enjoying it.
As internet got better and faster, my tastes moved to internet videos, where I discovered the term "ryona" and realized it was exactly this fucked up fetish I've been turned on by for years.